Gaki Kakashi
by Cardboard Bike
Summary: A series of snippets from pre-Naruto series Kakashi's life. Updated at random, each chapter a complete story.
1. Chapter 1

_This is a short series of flashbacks from Kakashi's childhood I've pilfered from my multi-chaptered fic 'Hound's Release' because it got deleted and, well, I just adore exploring young Kakashi's psyche. If I feel like it I may write some more._

_Rating 'T' is for possible violence – there shouldn't be anything remotely sexual in these._

**o0o**

He's nine years old. A chūnin. Standing beside his sensei in front of a classroom full of pre-genin. They're slightly older than him but they're all stupid, clumsy and as useless as civilians. Kakashi doesn't want to be here, but his sensei has a large hand on his shoulder, keeping him from bolting. Not that he'd do that anyway. His pride stops him from running away.

The class is watching him and Minato with big eyes, some of them glancing at him and then away, whispering behind their hands. 'They say he was a chūnin when he was only a little kid.' 'He's weird, wearing that mask all the time.' 'My mum said it's a good idea to keep away from him, you don't know what he can do.' 'My brother went on a mission with him and he said that he killed someone.' 'No way!'

Kakashi doesn't care that they're afraid of him; it's always been that way. He's only here because it's his duty to his village and that is what he lives for. He wants to do his best for Minato-sensei, to not be a failure like his father.

"Kakashi-kun and I are going to give you a special demonstration on shuriken throwing," Minato says, giving the children a grin full of sunshine, his hand squeezing Kakashi's shoulder lightly, telling him wordlessly to ignore what they are saying.

Kakashi hates it. He doesn't need the comfort, he's fine by himself. He is a real shinobi, unlike these bumbling idiots masquerading as ninja. He jerks the hand of another pre-genin, roughly turning the shuriken in his hand so it's in the right position. He wants to ask, 'Don't you listen? Are you all really this stupid?' but he doesn't because he already knows the answer.

Besides, he knows, even though he's not supposed to, that this whole 'demonstration' thing is for his sake. Namikaze Minato shouldn't be in a classroom teaching pre-genin how to do something that their chūnin teacher is more than capable of telling them himself. He is a prodigy teaching a prodigy, and they're here because he wants Kakashi to get to know some children his own age, to make some friends.

Kakashi already knows it will never work – not that he wants any friends – and wonders if his sensei is just stupid or too inherently optimistic to see this.

"Watch," he commands the snot-nosed brat who keeps tossing shuriken so they land in the dirt a couple of metres from his feet. He brings out three shuriken from the pouch at his waist and flings them towards where he knows the training post is without looking. "You have to put more force behind it," he starts to say, but is cut off midway by a scream.

He has never heard a scream like that before. He has seen shinobi die, but even in the midst of the most horrendous torture no self-respecting shinobi would ever let out a noise that desperate. The sound pierces his ears and he wants to cover them but will do no such thing, even though he can see at least half of the class doing just that.

Minato and the teacher are huddling over a body between him and the training post and he knows with a sickening lurch of his stomach that he has managed to hit one of the bumbling idiots while he was showing off. Seconds later the Yellow Flash lives up to his name and he and the kid are gone.

The teacher turns to Kakashi, frowning, and the rest of the class follow his gaze. Kakashi flees.

He stands silently by the kid's side in the hospital, hoping no one will notice him there. He feels guilty; the boy may be two years older than him but he hasn't had half the training Kakashi has, and wouldn't know how to dodge at all. He should have looked where he was throwing. Although, looking at where the wounds are on the boy, if the kid hadn't moved at the wrong time he would have hit the post in the exact places he'd been aiming for. It's a small consolation.

"Kakashi, you used your own weapons didn't you?" Kakashi tenses as Minato's hand is on his shoulder again. He doesn't answer. "The class ones were purposefully blunt. Yours weren't."

"I didn't know that," Kakashi mutters.

"Well now you do," Minato says cheerfully, and holds a bouquet of flowers out in front of him. "Sign the card."

Kakashi scribbles a henohenomoheji on the card presented to him. "Does this mean I'm not in trouble?"

Minato sighs and ruffles his hair. "Kakashi-kun, I should have known better than to try and force you to interact with other children. This was my mistake."

_Other_ children? Kakashi doesn't consider himself a child. The person on the bed covered in bandages is what he calls a child. He won't compare himself to someone like that. Sensei is wrong, this is _his_ mistake. It's his fault that this kid is having trouble breathing in the hospital. He should have known better, should always know better. He is a genius, after all.


	2. Chapter 2

_Age: sixteen years. Jounin._

**o0o**_  
_

He's sitting on a branch outside a window, watching four kids playing cards and drinking sake stolen from one or the others parents. He doesn't know them, but he knows their names. Namiashi Raidō. Shiranui Genma. Yūhi Kurenai. Sarutobi Asuma. They're around about his age, and he watches them to see how they relate to each other and compares it to how he acts around people to see what he's doing wrong.

Sarutobi takes a drag from a cigarette he's pilfered from somewhere; coughs. Thinks it'll make him look cool in the slightly older boys' eyes. Genma slaps him on the back and laughs. "Smoking's not the way to get the ladies."

Kakashi leans forward. He wants to know how to get girls to like him, because mostly they run away. He's embarrassed that he's sixteen and never been kissed, never had a girlfriend. Genma, at eighteen, has done many things more than that and never hesitates to share.

"You gotta be cool, man. You need to ooze sex appeal. Girls love a charmer."

Kurenai giggles. "I'm sure your smooth talking goes over really well with the trailer trash you dig, Genma."

"You don't appreciate my suave style?"

Kurenai shakes her head, exasperated, and then gains a mischievous look. "Speaking of suave style, guess who tried to hit on Ayumi-chan the other day?"

Kakashi takes a step back.

"Who?" Raidō sticks a straw in his drink and swirls it around, looking bored with the conversation.

"Ha-Hatake Kakashi," Kurenai says, barely able to keep a straight face. "And do you know what he said to her? 'I wanted to know if you eat dinner. Would you consider eating it with me?' And he tried to give her a wilted daisy. It was all she could do not to run away. He's so scary."

Everyone else at the table laughs. "Man, that kid is messed up," Genma comments.

"Yeah, I wouldn't want to run into him on a dark night," Asuma adds. "There's something freaky about him."

Kakashi slinks back into the shadows, turns, and bounds off back to the empty Hatake home. His heart feels heavy in his chest as he knows that he is forever going to be the one watching from the outside, in the cold, while others share warmth and laughter in the light. At least he's found out one thing though.

The way to get a date is to not be Kakashi.


	3. Chapter 3

_Age: four years. Pre-genin._

**o0o**

He's standing in a stream with his pants rolled up to his knees, standing as still as he can, his fingers dangling in the water. The stream is clear, sunlight bouncing off it merrily, and he can see all the pebbles around his chubby toes without even squinting. Fish swim languidly around him, indifferent to his presence. He moves his hands slowly up behind one as it swims past him – the biggest one, he only ever looks to be the best – and tickles it lightly behind its gills. The fish doesn't seem to notice. Suddenly he grabs it and flicks it behind him onto the bank.

A big hand ruffles his hair and he looks up and smiles. "Good job, 'Kashi-kun," his father says, and Kakashi splashes out of the water to collect his fish, glowing with the praise.

"Am I a ninja yet?" he asks, stabbing the fish with a kunai just to make sure his first catch won't be able to get away.

Sakumo laughs and pulls the fish away from him, gutting it with experienced and steady hands. "Not yet, Kakashi. But you'll be one soon enough. How about we stay out here tonight and cook your fish over a fire, hm? I'll teach you how to find the herbs and mushrooms that are nice to have with it."

He feels like he's going to burst with happiness. It's always good when his father has time to spend with him, and even better when he gets to learn new things that will help him become a great shinobi just like the legendary White Fang of Konoha.


	4. Chapter 4

_Age: eight years. Chūnin._

**o0o**

It's autumn, and the orange-gold glow of the maples around him is beautiful, but he doesn't even notice it. The leaves crunching under his feet are spared no more than a glance; Kakashi couldn't care less about how un-ninja-like it is to make so much noise while walking, he's too excited. Not that you can see it in his face.

He's wearing a mask, a couple of them actually. One is made of fabric and stretches across the bottom half of his face, covering his nose. He's been wearing masks like this since he was five years old and was teased by the older, jealous genin that he was too emotional. The other mask is a blank stare he practices in front of the mirror each morning. He's eight now, and wiser. He knows that if an enemy gets close enough to him his mask won't help and he'll need to rely on how well he can school his face.

He's excited now because he's just been on his first solo B-ranked mission. Minato-sensei had been against it, but the Sandaime had agreed anyway, as it was just a simple scroll delivery. Kakashi doesn't intend to tell his father that detail, but he probably already knows anyway.

He knows that everybody hates his father because his father went against the shinobi code on something. He hasn't been told what, and people don't talk to him about it. He thinks that this means he should hate his father too, because the villagers' dislike of Hatake Sakumo spread quickly to include his so-talented-it's-scary son. Kakashi's never really had friends, so he doesn't see what difference it makes.

He's annoyed at his father for breaking the rules, because every shinobi knows that the completion of the mission comes before everything else. Despite this, he still can't wait to tell Sakumo about completing his mission. He is his father after all, and the only other person he can go and tell is Minato-sensei, and sensei didn't want him to go in the first place.

He slides open the door and steps inside quietly, shucking off his shoes with minimal noise. It's a game they play, or used to when Kakashi was younger. He'd return home and see how far he could get into the house without his father realising he was back. He's never made it further than the far side of the living room.

There's something strange about the silence in the house. It's more often than not quiet, but rarely this… lifeless. Kakashi thinks his father is probably meditating, and tosses up whether or not it is a good idea to disturb him. He figures it will be good training if he manages to sit quiet through the remainder of the meditation session without blurting out his success.

His father is exactly where he thinks he'll be, in the dojo. There's something odd about the way he's sitting though. He's always telling Kakashi he's not allowed to slouch or sit with his back curved in that way because it creates bad posture and messes with your spine. Kakashi suddenly has a bad feeling in his gut, like he's eaten something rotten. Nothing is right about this. The windows are all closed, when they should be open so that the air circulates properly whenever anybody is training in this room, even if it's just for meditation.

Kakashi inches around the edge of the room until he's in front of his father. He stares with wide, disbelieving eyes, and then turns around and vomits everything he's eaten in the last two days. His father has been dead for a while, the only thing holding him in a sitting position the way the handle of the blade sticking through his ribs is angled against the floor. His pants have been soaked through with blood and are now stiffening on his thighs, the red staining his bandaged feet and the tatami mat beneath him.

When Kakashi has nothing left in his stomach he creeps forward, needing to make sure. He's seen dead bodies before, he has even created them, but none of that has prepared him for seeing his father's lifeless eyes gaze at him as if in accusation for not standing by his side when everyone else had deserted him. He reaches out to touch a cold shoulder and jerks back when his father's body moves, slumping forward, his heavy, lifeless head settling onto Kakashi's thin shoulder.

For what is probably the first time in his life, Kakashi screams.


	5. Chapter 5

_Age: fourteen years. Jōnin._

**o0o**

"Hey, Kashi-kun, can you feel it? He's kicking."

Her hand is over his on her rounded stomach, stopping him from running away. She looks all sweet and innocent, especially when she's wearing that smile, but he knows that behind all that she has the ability to defeat him completely if he tries to escape. The baby kicks and he can't help but flinch, and he's annoyed at himself for showing weakness.

Kushina crushes him to her chest and sighs happily. He's grateful for his mask, because his head is squashed between her breasts and his face has become almost as red as her hair. "Kashi-kun, you're such a big boy now. I remember when Minato first started teaching you and you were only up to my knees! You're still super adorable, though."

She lets go and Kakashi reels backwards, gulping in as much air as he can and trying to regain some sense of dignity. He's fourteen, for Kami's sake, practically an adult! He's not some 'adorable' little child.

A big hand claps him on the shoulder, and he looks up to see another smiling face. "In a few more months you'll be able to babysit for us, won't you Kakashi-kun?"

Kakashi looks at Kushina's stomach warily. He's not fond of babies, or children for that matter. They're stupid and can't do anything right, and are simply there as weaknesses to their parents. "Maybe," he mutters, because as much as he dislikes children if it's Minato-sensei's child he'll put up with it.

Truth be told, he's more than a little awed by his sunshine-haired teacher, and does as much as he can to hear praise from him. He'd stopped working to please his father the moment he'd decided to become a traitor to the village, and he looked up to Minato because he would _never_ betray Konoha. The Yondaime – Kakashi's favourite person left in the world, though he won't admit it even under the harshest of tortures – is the epitome of perfection to the young jōnin, and the person he wants to be when he grows up.

He doesn't really understand why his sensei insists on sticking so close to Kushina-san all the time, though. Girls are icky and a waste of time, and the little drool-monster scream-buckets people call babies are even worse.

Kakashi screws up his nose. _I am never going to have children or get close to a stupid girl,_ he solemnly vows to himself.


	6. Chapter 6

_Age: fifteen years. Jōnin._

**o0o**

The thin, strangled wail of a baby is not something Kakashi is used to hearing, and it's certainly not something he'd expected to hear at this point in time. Well, not that he'd expected to hear anything at all – one of his ears feels blocked, and he mindlessly brushes a hand against the side of his head to see why. It comes away red.

_Oh,_ he thinks distantly, _that's why it hurts._ His head is pounding, or maybe it's his heart, or maybe both – he can't really tell anymore, because it hurts too much to think and he's dizzy. He moves towards the sound as the baby starts up again, a pitiful mewling interspersed with hiccups and dry coughing.

Moving too fast tilts his world, and he stumbles over a small branch, reaching out blindly to stop himself from falling. As he looks down to mend his balance, his brain helpfully corrects him. _That's not a branch, it's an arm. _

_Oh right, an arm._ He stumbles forward again anyway, his mind too numb to care. It's not the first severed limb he's come across, and it won't be the last. All he has to do is look around.

Half of the village has gone. The people as well as the buildings. People who never stood a chance, who just stared wide-eyed as their world came crashing down around them and, in a moment, was no more. Kakashi is only alive because – well, he doesn't know why he's alive. He shouldn't be. He was ordered to keep out of the fray but this time, just this one time, he disobeyed. Because his sensei was out there, and his place was to stand and fight beside the man who taught him nearly everything he knew.

He'd failed.

Kakashi tunes out the ringing in his ears and keeps on walking, focused on the baby's pitiful cry. It's a sign of life within this field of death, and it's all that keeps him going. What was once a cool, silent forest on the outskirts of Konoha is now a blackened, sordid pit. Not all the bodies strewn on the ground are lifeless, but there are very few medical shinobi checking for survivors. Because there are very few surviving medical shinobi. The stench of burning flesh is near unbearable, but Kakashi thinks that his nose is blocked as well and he's at least thankful for that.

The baby, for its part, looks miraculously unharmed. Its hands are balled into tiny red fists, and snot dangles out of its nose, dangerously close to its open, screaming mouth. Kakashi feels nothing at the sight. He doesn't know why his sensei would give up his life for something so helpless, so hopeless, so _useless. _It seems like such a waste to him.

He hoists the kid up, hands under its armpits, leaving its feet dangling. It wobbles around in the air for a bit, scrunching up its wrinkly red face and taking a deep breath for a louder scream. He looks around helplessly for something to jam in its mouth, but everything is covered in blood, dirt, or dying embers.

"Shut up," he tells it crossly. "It's not my fault I don't know what to do with babies."

The baby burps at him, kicks its feet, and screams some more.

"Don't be stupid." Kakashi sits the baby down on a stump, having no other idea what to do with it, and it quiets instantly, blinking its big eyes open at the shock.

"_Oh," _Kakashi says, and it's all that he can say, because those unnervingly clear blue eyes – as wide and unfocused as they are – those eyes belong to his sensei. He musters up a smile through what might be his own tears, even though the baby has started to cry again. "I guess I have to save you now, don't I?"


	7. Chapter 7

_ Age: ten years. Chūnin._

**o0o**

Kakashi resists the urge to tilt his head to the side and squints at the page instead, hoping uselessly that that might make the words easier to understand. He reads as often as possible in an attempt to keep building his vocabulary, mostly for the purpose of talking down to Obito, and like everything else he seems to have an innate talent for it. But this book is _weird._ He understands the words, for the most part, but the sentences don't make sense. He squints again, and mouths the words underneath his mask.

"Slowly caressed," he mutters, "Inside… dripping wet. Pussy?" It doesn't make sense. Putting aside the fact that everyone knows that trying to touch a wet cat can get you put in hospital, the fact that there is a cat at all doesn't fit in with the rest of the story. And, as far as he can see, getting naked to pat said cat is an even worse idea.

"What are you doing?"

Kakashi snaps the book shut and turns to see a gangly kid dressed in green scrambling through the bushes behind him. He says nothing, instead opting to level the kid with his best 'go away' glare.

The other boy blithely ignores his killing intent and settles down beside him, much too close, flashing him a blinding smile and a thumbs up. "I'm Maito Gai!" he proclaims loudly.

Kakashi gives a cursory nod and shifts away. Gai follows, pressing up to his side. "I'm a genin of Konoha," he exclaims proudly. "What are you reading?"

"Nothing." Kakashi folds his hands over the book's cover, which turns out to be a bad idea, as this prompts Gai to lean in close and grab for it. Sensing the movement coming, he picks up the book and smacks the questing hand on the back of the knuckles. "Genin aren't allowed on this training field," he says coolly.

"Well you're not training, are you," Gai points out, leaning further forward to try and get a glimpse of the book title. Kakashi flips it so the back cover is facing upwards.

"Hey," Gai whispers reverently, catching sight of the slashed red circle vivid against the lurid orange cover, "That's a _bad_ book."

"It is not," Kakashi says, but glances down at the book in his lap all the same, a seed of doubt worming its way into his mind. Maybe the bits that he can't understand are bad?

"Yes it is," Gai protests, "My sensei said so. He says it's senseless smut written for low-bred scum."

Kakashi glares. He doesn't know what smut means, but he's not going to let himself look dumber than a spandex-wearing genin. "Jiraiya-sama wrote it. So it's good. He gave it to me."

"Jiraiya-sama? One of the legendary sannin? Wow." Gai leans even closer, making Kakashi inch away. "What does smut mean anyway?"

"It's not for someone of your age to know," Kakashi says haughtily, and tucks the book inside his jacket. He's had enough, and the book wasn't even that interesting anyway. He didn't understand half of it, and there were far too many girls in it. Boring, useless girls who wouldn't know what a shuriken was even if it hit them in the face. He stands without another word and begins to walk away.

"Wait!" The kid is in front of him, too close, too loud, too _green._ "You're Hatake Kakashi."

Kakashi raises an eyebrow and heads in a different direction. It's not like he has any specific place to go, except maybe away from this green annoyance.

"You're a Prodigy," the green-clad genin announces, "And I am a Student of Hard Work. I challenge you!"

Kakashi turns back slowly, against his better judgment. "Challenge me to what? None of that makes any sense."

Gai's eyes light up, and he thrusts his arms out at right angles while balancing on one leg in a victorious pose of some sort. Kakashi thinks he's never seen anything so ridiculous in his life.

"Yosh! The Prodigy accepts my Challenge, and now we shall Do Battle in the Springtime of our Youth! Let us see who the Champion shall be!" He wobbles a little at the end of his speech, and wisely decides to plant both feet firmly back on the ground.

"I never agreed to anything." Kakashi folds his arms across his chest and considers making a run for it. This genin obviously has a few screws loose, and he shouldn't be the one who has to deal with a loopy child. He has much more important things to do than entertain addle-brained brats.

"You didn't?" Gai looks confused for a moment, and then regains his startlingly bright grin. "But you will!" He points dramatically at Kakashi, for what seems like no reason. "And if I fail, I will climb the Hokage Mountain using just my teeth! Twice!"

Kakashi blinks, and is forced to admit to himself that his pride will not let his back out now, even if it is only a delusional genin challenging him. "Okay, what are we doing?"

"What are we doing?" Gai repeats excitedly, and then pauses. "We're… what _are_ we doing?"

"You didn't come with a plan?" Kakashi asks, and wonders if maybe it's not too late to sacrifice his pride and back out.

"Never fear, I have the Perfect Plan!" Gai does a sparkly pirouette. "I hereby challenge you, Hatake Kakashi, to rock, paper, scissors!"

Kakashi frowns. The name sounds like a weird arts project to him, but he's faced stranger sounding jutsu before. "What is that?"

Gai tips his head to one side, blinking rapidly. He seems lost. "You know, the game?"

Kakashi shrugs, and shoves his hands deep into his pockets. "I don't play games."

"Never?" Gai gasps theatrically and grasps his shoulders, teeth glinting manically in the light. "Then I must teach you! You cannot Destroy your Wondrous Life by working through the Springtime of your Youth!"

Kakashi slips out of his grasp and stands off to the side a little, keen to add distance between them. "No, I think I'm fine."

"I, Maito Gai, will Revitalize your Abandoned Youth, Hatake Kakashi! Or else I will run a hundred laps around the village on my hands!"

Gai launches into a new pose, thumb outstretched towards the sky, and Kakashi is forced to wonder whether he just makes them up on the spot or whether he has an entire repertoire of them. In any case, he has his eyes closed, so Kakashi decides to seize the moment to slither quietly away. He doesn't like people who try to force their way into his personal space, and he has a feeling that the more time he spends with this genin the less likely the kid is going to actually _leave_ his personal space. Maybe he can find Minato-sensei instead, and convince him to start a sparring session.

A loud cry of, "Aha! You have bested me this time, oh Child of Prodigy! Next time we meet I shall be Victorious!" follows him, and Kakashi rolls his eyes. If he can help it, he'll never see that genin again.


End file.
